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[02 Oct 2006|11:38pm] |
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we couldint be apart. that scairs me so mutch. what is this strange love thing. who decided that this was the rout. i beleve because its true. we know like there is no tommarow. we know that life, the world the infanit is beyound us.
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[02 Oct 2006|11:32pm] |
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i am a poet. i dont understand, i just explore.
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| hgerajkspa |
[28 Jul 2006|11:09pm] |
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got a girl friend a law suit a new band and one of my teeth pulled.
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[17 Dec 2005|03:05am] |
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just petted the rat. hes so cute. his name is pablo. i talked to trever before i left the party. emphasized the idea of seperation between morality and christianity. told him to be himself. hes going to be a youth leader in arazona. i hope he dosent become part of what i hate, feels like it might be inevitable. i really do thin god can work through us mutch better when were being honest with ourselves and those around us. i hope he dosent quit drinking for the wrong reasons. hes got allot of love to give. hope he gives it without strings. hope he stands head long in the face of the beast of chritaindome today and slugs it with a fist of reality. the human heart is ugly and buitifull and onjly god can know its true destany. no false attempts at rightousness.
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[14 Dec 2005|05:25pm] |
I don’t think I could meet another stupid women and not blow my brains out. Fucking party girls. Im the guy that has sign on my forehead that says “guy likes stupid chic’s” and I get all the girls who are dumb fucks. Im starting to wonder if im really just very stupid and no ones ever told me and that’s why I keep finding stuped people. Birds of feather flock together, right? Well if I am really stupid I hope that I can get over myself soon and be content to keep the company of stupid women. If im not stupid than pleas god or whoever else may have a hand in this whole thing, pleas Introduce me to an attractive intelligent woman and give me the grace to do things the right way so that I can keep her.
this is probably not in refrance to you, but if you think it is, remember im a bumb ass, who cairs what i think.
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| hi |
[30 Nov 2005|05:05pm] |
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Theirs something beautiful about tears. My mom called me the other day and told me that I was strong. It made me cry, my mom is the toughest person I know. When soldiers go into battle they cry. Just the physical act of it is pritty. I mean you have this sort of glossy look to your face all of the sudden. Its like a super model getting all oiled up but its not fake. I think I cried when mom called cause I thought, this women is delusional. She said id been a scraper from day one? I was, but now im the most defeated, weak person that I know. Im utterly ruined and if there were any more towels to throw in I would throw them. But she’s kind of right because no matter how much I despise hope, its here. It keeps coming back and coming back to coax me into a belief that I will be fine. I think it’s a lie right now but who knows it could be true, ether way for what ever reason I keep buying into hope and its "your going to make it" message and in that sense, in the accidental, subconscious, wish I didn’t but I do and I don’t know why sense, I am a scraper and have been since day one. Maybe I should fight hope. id need a gun.
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| dear fuck you |
[06 Nov 2005|07:49pm] |
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every thing is permisable for me but not everything benaficial. everything is permisable for me but i will not be mastard by anything.
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| early life crises |
[17 Oct 2005|12:27am] |
im running out of breath here on earth. every telavision show watched every day at my dead end job every moment spent doing something other than god is a waist. this god that i dont trust. this god that i hardly know. this god that im so confused about. this god that loves. this love is what? it works how?
solitude must come quick i have to lock myself up with myself and let them fight it out.the freqent deninal of schysopharania is the behavior of a compolsive liar or someone who is just plain in denial.
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[11 Sep 2005|02:30pm] |
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My heart sees bliss. my head knows better. my head my stupid fucking head. They never agree. it knows and so does it. I am softly a product of all there banter. They speak in there own way, head yelling heart screaming head hinting heart hitting, constant discourse, constant assault, "your at fault" "no your at fault". Ill never change ill just fight amongst myself ill never ever change. I hope I fucking Choke
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[22 Aug 2005|10:49pm] |
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ignoring someone is a horable thing to do.
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[22 Aug 2005|12:25am] |
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fuck em. the other half of the human race hurts.
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| thrustie |
[16 Aug 2005|09:09pm] |
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fill my head down to my heart and out of my mouth and sink into this earth. satcherate the soil till you rise above it. flood this man flood this world.
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[14 Aug 2005|11:07pm] |
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give me liberty or give me death.
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[08 Aug 2005|11:39pm] |
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you were a trian i had to reck. hope you understand. keep your chin up and let them see your beautifull eyes.
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[02 Aug 2005|09:37pm] |
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i am sooooooo lonley. i think i might hate......... and then some.
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| shot down!!!!!!! |
[26 Jul 2005|07:18pm] |
I saw this girl at Milwaukee teriyaki today; she was really cute she had a little septum piercing and dark brown hair. Any way she just caught my eye and then she was gone walking down the street the one that I live on. I drove past her and admired her again and then thought, maybe she, like me, would like someone to eat with so I parked at my- house and sat on my car and waited for her. when she walked buy she was across the street so I crossed and I asked her if I could talk to her and she kind of quickened her pace and gave me a weird look. I told her how id seen her at teriyaki and that I thought she was really cute witch made her smile and blush, then I asked her if maybe we could go together some time and she simply said no. I replied ok and walked into my house licking my wounds. But still with a smile on my face because at least I had asked.
It’s so rough being a single dude in control of your own destiny and wanting to find your true love. its fucking brutal out there but I got no choice but to keep working my mojo and roll with the punches. dammed.
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| im gonna eat some worms |
[23 Jul 2005|11:36am] |
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dear friends, im going through a phase. if you hapen to call me to do something, and i shoot you down for what seems to be no aparent reason, make a good argument or just physicly make me do whatever it is you would like to do. i know it might kinda suck but i would really apreciat it. thank you good friends and anyone else who would respond.
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[22 Jul 2005|04:51pm] |
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any you kids ever done online dateing.
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| wow |
[20 Jul 2005|05:53pm] |
“The great masquerade of evil has played havoc with all our ethical concepts. For evil to be disguised as light, charity, historical necessity, or social justice is quit bewildering to any one brought up on our traditional ethical concepts, while for the Christian who bases his life on the Bible it merely confirms the fundamental wickedness of evil.
The reasonable people’s failure is obvious. With the best intentions and naïve lack of realism, they think that with a little reason they can band back into position the frame work that has got out of joint. In their lack of vision they want to do justice to all sides, and so the conflicting forces wear them down with nothing achieved. Disappointed by the worlds unreasonableness, they see them selves condemned to ineffectiveness; they step aside in resignation or collapse before the stronger party.
Still more pathetic is the total collapse of moral fanaticism. the fanatic think that his single-minded principals qualify him to do battle with evil: but like a bull he rushes at the red cloak instead of the person who is holding it: he exhausts himself and is beaten. He gets entangled by non essentials and falls into the trap set by clever people.
Then there is the man with a conscience who fights single handed against heavy odds in situations that call for a decision. But the scale of the conflicts with witch he has to chose- with no advice or support except for his own conscience-tears him to pieces. Evil approaches him in so many respectable and seductive disguises that his conscience becomes nervous and vacillating, till at last he contents himself with a salved instead of clear conscience, so he lies to his own conscience in order to avoid despair; for a man whose only support is his conscience can never realize that a bad conscience may be stronger and more whole some than a deluded one.
From the perplexingly large number of possible decisions, the way of duty seems to be the sure way out. Here, what is commanded is what is accepted as what is most certain, and the responsibility lands on the commander, not on the person commanded. But no one who confines himself to the limits of duty ever goes so far as to venture, on his sole responsibility, to act In the only way that makes it possible to score a direct hit on evil and defeat it. The man In duty will in the end have to do his his duty by the devil too.
As to the man who asserts his complete freedom to stand four square to the world, who values the necessary deed more highly than an unspoilt conscience or reputation, who is ready to sacrifice a barren principle for a fruit full compromise, or the barren wisdom of of a middle course for a fruitful radicalism-let him beware lest his freedom should bring him down. He will assent to what is bad so as to ward off something worse, and in doing so he will no longer be able to realize that the worse, witch he wants to avoid might be better. Here we have the raw material of tragedy.
Here and there people flee from public altercation t into the sanctuary of private virtuousness. But any one who does this must shut his eyes and his mouth to the injustice around him. Only at the cost of self deception can he keep himself pure form contamination arising from responsible action. In spite of all he does what he leaves undone will rob him of his peace of mind. He will ether go to pieces because of this disquiet, or become the most hypocritical of Pharisees.”
Who stand fast? Only the man whose final standard is not his reason, his principles, his conscience, his freedom or his virtue, but who is ready to sacrifice all this when he is called to obedient responsible action in faith and exclusive allegiance to God- the responsible man, who tries to make his whole life an answer to the question and call of God. Where are these reasonable people.
“The great masquerade of evil has played havoc with all our ethical concepts. For evil to be disguised as light, charity, historical necessity, or social justice is quit bewildering to any one brought up on our traditional ethical concepts, while for the Christian who bases his life on the Bible it merely confirms the fundamental wickedness of evil.
The reasonable people’s failure is obvious. With the best intentions and naïve lack of realism, they think that with a little reason they can band back into position the frame work that has got out of joint. In their lack of vision they want to do justice to all sides, and so the conflicting forces wear them down with nothing achieved. Disappointed by the worlds unreasonableness, they see them selves condemned to ineffectiveness; they step aside in resignation or collapse before the stronger party.
Still more pathetic is the total collapse of moral fanaticism. the fanatic think that his single-minded principals qualify him to do battle with evil: but like a bull he rushes at the red cloak instead of the person who is holding it: he exhausts himself and is beaten. He gets entangled by non essentials and falls into the trap set by clever people.
Then there is the man with a conscience who fights single handed against heavy odds in situations that call for a decision. But the scale of the conflicts with witch he has to chose- with no advice or support except for his own conscience-tears him to pieces. Evil approaches him in so many respectable and seductive disguises that his conscience becomes nervous and vacillating, till at last he contents himself with a salved instead of clear conscience, so he lies to his own conscience in order to avoid despair; for a man whose only support is his conscience can never realize that a bad conscience may be stronger and more whole some than a deluded one.
From the perplexingly large number of possible decisions, the way of duty seems to be the sure way out. Here, what is commanded is what is accepted as what is most certain, and the responsibility lands on the commander, not on the person commanded. But no one who confines himself to the limits of duty ever goes so far as to venture, on his sole responsibility, to act In the only way that makes it possible to score a direct hit on evil and defeat it. The man In duty will in the end have to do his his duty by the devil too.
As to the man who asserts his complete freedom to stand four square to the world, who values the necessary deed more highly than an unspoilt conscience or reputation, who is ready to sacrifice a barren principle for a fruit full compromise, or the barren wisdom of of a middle course for a fruitful radicalism-let him beware lest his freedom should bring him down. He will assent to what is bad so as to ward off something worse, and in doing so he will no longer be able to realize that the worse, witch he wants to avoid might be better. Here we have the raw material of tragedy.
Here and there people flee from public altercation t into the sanctuary of private virtuousness. But any one who does this must shut his eyes and his mouth to the injustice around him. Only at the cost of self deception can he keep himself pure form contamination arising from responsible action. In spite of all he does what he leaves undone will rob him of his peace of mind. He will ether go to pieces because of this disquiet, or become the most hypocritical of Pharisees.”
Who stand fast? Only the man whose final standard is not his reason, his principles, his conscience, his freedom or his virtue, but who is ready to sacrifice all this when he is called to obedient responsible action in faith and exclusive allegiance to God- the responsible man, who tries to make his whole life an answer to the question and call of God. Where are these reasonable people."
Dietrich Bonhhoeffer
huhuhuhuhu his last name has effer in it ahhhuhuhuhuhuhuuhuhu
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